1. A date, preferably with someone you yourself would go out with if you were single.
2. A massage—Pass the hat around and buy your friend physical contact with a complete stranger.
3. A blow job—See #2.
4. Hard liquor—Your friend can use it to seduce prospective sexual partners and to drown their sorrows when it doesn’t work out.
5. Cat toys, or, for the newly single, a cat.
6. Porn, or, for pretentious literary types, erotica.
7. A new vibrator from Come As You Are. (Vila’s recommendation: the Hitachi Wand.)
8. A tarot reading—Helpful hint: when the Hermit card comes up, and it will, tell your friend that it means “sexual union” in the Crowley deck.
9. A friend with benefits—The gift that keeps on giving, at least until someone better comes along.
10. All six volumes of In Search of Lost Time—Because solitude is the harbinger of erudition.