Thursday, August 11, 2005

Mars Trine Venus

For quite some time now, I have been underwhelmed by my daily horoscopes. Every morning without fail, I have been advised to grin and bear it at my job, to watch my bank account, and, repeatedly, to clean out my closets, which I confess to having put off indefinitely.

Apparently, the heavens have had me confused with an accountant. A destitute accountant. With a slight touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

At first, I thought this state of affairs mildly amusing. “Oh look,” I would say, “Another boring horoscope. How droll!” After several weeks, however, I began to wonder if there wasn’t a minor astrological conspiracy afoot. By the three-month mark, I fell into a deep pit of despond, having become thoroughly convinced that I was born under a bad sign and therefore destined never to have fun again.

I envisioned the day that I would have nothing else to blog about but my work, and began dutifully preparing notes. Perhaps an account of the emails I wrote this afternoon? Or, better, a racy little piece on my last trip to the library? Oh, that’ll send the site meter soaring!

Just as I was on the brink of taking up jogging, I logged on to astro.com for guidance on how best to approach such a risky endeavour, and, god help me, there it was:


Mars Trine Venus exact at 19:17
Activity period from 10 August 2005 until 31 December 2005.

This influence is favorable for sexual relationships and for all kinds of creative activity. It symbolizes the perfect balance between your need to be yourself and your need to relate to another. But this influence is strongly physical rather than psychological in its effects. A purely romantic relationship with no physical sex would not be very satisfactory, but such a relationship is not likely to occur during this time. Your erotic fantasies will certainly be stimulated, and women or men whom you would not usually look at twice seem much more attractive now. In fact you need to have a certain amount of discretion, lest you get involved in a totally inappropriate relationship. But again this influence is not usually that compulsive.


Woo-hoo! Sold!!

Incidentally, if any of you so much as whispers that astrology is hogwash, I will beat you to a bloody pulp and leave you for the vultures. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have carousing to do...

6 comments:

g_pi said...

Look out unsuspecting world...!

d said...

hyeah, too bad mine sucked so hardcore. Whatever. hard work for me.

mtlanglo said...

MUCH better than cleaning your closets...

Vila H. said...

Unfortunately, G., I spent most of day one of Mars Tine Venus in meetings, so the fanfare may be slightly premature. I'll let you know when it's time to cue the trumpets.

Vila H. said...

Sorry, D. I tried to find a good horoscope for you, but Gemini totally sucks right now. Blame Mercury retrograde.

Vila H. said...

I couldn't agree with you more, M. Mind, there was that pre-teen birthday party game that involved sending pairs of people into closets for thoroughly dangerous amounts of time. If memory serves, it was sort of like spin the bottle, only way better...