Thursday, October 21, 2004

Wanted: Professor's Wife

Chain-smoking, insomniac doctoral student of Slavic descent seeks professor’s wife for companionship and reproduction of intellectual labour power. To start immediately.

Responsibilities and qualifications include:

  • Shopping, cooking, cleaning, filing, and basic bookkeeping
  • Editing and research skills to assist with dissertation
  • Exceptional conversational skills in at least three of the following areas: philosophy, politics, music, literature, art, and popular culture
  • Prior experience as massage therapist an asset, preferably Shiatsu
  • Plumbing, electrical and bicycle repair skills
  • Candidate must be computer-literate without being a geek
  • Ability to throw fabulous and well-attended parties and perform clean-up
  • Encyclopedic knowledge of wine
  • High sex drive (mandatory)
  • Must make excellent mix CDs
  • Fluency in English, French, and Cat
  • Familiarity with federal and provincial tax codes
  • Demonstrated proficiency at giving blow-jobs at all times of the month
  • Proven grant-writing ability
  • Smoker preferred

Special consideration will be given to candidates who are independently wealthy, own a cottage, and/or keep a pied-à-terre in New York, Paris, or London. The employer is committed to the principles of affirmative action. Applications and enquiries may be sent to

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hell, I'd be happy with a guy who didn't spit on me when he talked, refrained from putting his cold feet on my calves, could say someting interesting every couple of days and occasionally made drinks...Have my standards fallen too low?...
from you know who